Friday, November 14, 2008

The Ultimate Horror Scenario Survival Guide.

Random post time! (Because I was bored)

Nearly everyone has seen a Horror movie, and according to a statistic I just made up, 90% of people will find themselves in a horror movies type scenario at least once. Following this simple guide can nearly assure your survival should that situation ever arise.

Section 1: General Rules

For starters, there are a few base rules that you should always follow:
1. Never go anywhere alone, this always ends badly.
2. Never "investigate" The strange sound, this will also end badly.
3. Always travel in large groups, preferable over 5 people.
4. Never assume the "Bad Guy" is dead. Chances are they are some kind of superhuman and can sustain massive amounts of damage before they actually die.
5. Always keep a level head. People who mindlessly rush off or go crazy never last long.
6. Don't be a jerk. Jerks always die in the worst possible way.
7. Never attempt to hot wire a car, it never works and takes too much time.
8. If you see and individual or group of people who look like they know what they are doing, stick with them. They are probably a main character(s).

Following those rules can significantly increase your chances of survival, but, being that each scenario will be different, these rules may not work in some cases. If you find yourself in a situation where these rules may not apply, remember, USE YOUR HEAD! No weapon is better then your brain.

Section 2: Special cases. (Aliens, Mutants, etc)

But what do you do if you find yourself facing a smarter, faster, deadly opponent? Surely this spells the end for you! Not true at all, even against a seemly stronger (Or smarter) enemy you still stand a chance. "How?" you may be asking. Good thing you're reading this guide.

The most common "Special Cases" include Aliens, Mutants, Supernatural entities (Werewolves, Vampires), and Zombies (Which will be covered later in a different section).

Lets start with Aliens.
Aliens can come in all shapes and sizes, so it's nearly impossible to come up with one set of rules. Although there are a few rules that can apply to most extraterrestrial encounters...

1. Make sure the aliens are hostile. Too many times have humans bravely killed an alien, only to learn later that it wanted nothing more then to help.
2. Never assume our weapons will have any affect on the aliens, they have traveled the universe, I highly doubt our tiny boomsticks will have any affect on their infinitely more powerful machines.
3. If (When) Aliens conquer our world, never assume the military has everything "Under control". Chances are they are being royally dominated by our extraterrestrial guests.

Now for Mutants...
Mutants are a interesting case. They can also very greatly, similar to aliens in that regard. Although they are (Or rather, were) human, so normal firearms will usually work fine against them. Oh, also, they have a tendency to explode... Watch out for that...

1. As mentioned above, normal human firearms will normally work well in this scenario. Of course, a gun in your hand does NOT equal safety.
2. 98% of mutant outbreak cases take place in abandoned science labs and/or military bases, so weapons and ammo should never be a problem.
3. A popular tactic (used by civilian and military personnel alike) is the "Bait 'n Kill". A majority of the survivors/squad sets up at a defensible position, preferable a choke point. Once they set up, a single runner attracts all the mutants in the area (Usually by yelling profanities) and retreats back to the defense point. As the mutants emerge, they are quickly destroyed.
4. Above all, know they layout of the location. Knowledge is the key to victory.

And finally, Supernatural entities...
Supernatural entities, such as vampires and werewolves, are actually quite easy to survive against, and even kill. Most have a single, fatal weakness. For Vampires, it's sunlight. For Werewolves, it's silver. Once you know your enemies weakness, it should be easy to exploit it.

Section 3: Zombies.
Ah zombies, a personal favorite of mine, and today's society. Nowadays, who doesn't have a "Zombie Plan"? How hard can it be, really? Hit 'em in the head, problem solved. But have you ever tried aiming a pistol when there are 20 shambling creatures quickly approaching you? The answer, I would assume, is no. I could probably make a list of hundreds of rules, but I'll keep it short and sweet, and only include the most important ones, I wouldn't want you to lose focus and stop reading (assume that hasn't happened already...).

1. Stick to a group, there is power in numbers.
2. When facing a single zombies, or a small group, refrain from using firearms of any kind, as it will only attract more zombies to your position.
3. Bikes > Cars. Always.
4. Remember, a shot to the BRAIN kills them, not necessarily a shot to the head.
5. Most importantly, establish a base of operations. A fort, if you will, where you can hold up for months, even years at a time. Stock it with enough food and supplies for numerous years, and protect it from not only zombies, but bandits as well.

Well, there you have it. A small guide to staying alive. I hope when you find yourself in a horror movie situation, you remember these important rules. More important then anything else, use your head. You can survival almost any situation by just using your brain.


juice said...

I hate your face.

TheGhostGamer said...

Get out of my comments.

juice said...

in ur comments, postin' sum flame

TheGhostGamer said...

You wanna start somethin' n00b?

juice said...

DM1 blog comment wars? Yeah, I think we know how this one's going to end up. Like the rest of our wars have.

Think about it.

TheGhostGamer said...

With me winning and you crying? Also, lol @ us always finding a way to flame anywhere.

juice said...

Ends up with me winning and you failing.

As usual. As always.

Accept it. Your whole life is a giant failure.

TheGhostGamer said...

Yeah, we should probably stop. This could go on for days.

juice said...

It really could.


TheGhostGamer said...

You won by being the more immature, is that the kind of victory you want?

(I'm gonna go ahead and guess yes it is)

juice said...



TheGhostGamer said...

I am Godberry, king of the juice.

juice said...



Chitown15 said...

Someday you two WILL be married. :P

shotsflying said...

^ lol

juice said...

Only if I can be the girl

shotsflying said...


TheGhostGamer said...

You WOULD say that, Juice.

juice said...



TheGhostGamer said...

Oh, don't even start anything.

shotsflying said...

to late he already did

juice said...

2 wars in one comment?

Too epic

TheGhostGamer said...

We should probably just stop...You N00b.

Anonymous said...